Summer 2013 - 'C' comes home!

So, it's been A YEAR since I posted last.  I fail.  But, in my defense, our son came home 8 months ago and life has been moving at warp speed.  Here is the video of our daughter getting the news that she's gonna be a big sis.

On her second day of trying, 'O' was up and riding a 2-wheel bike without training wheels!

O's 5th birthday

'O' wanted a Hello Kitty themed party when she turned 5.  I was fine with that, in fact, I think I got more excited than her with all of my planning, baking, and decorating.  

Summer 2012

This summer was full of activities, lessons, trips, swimming, and stitches (for Cashy-dog.  He's fine now).  It definitely felt different than our first summer with O last year.  We are a more secure family now.  Things are more natural.  Don't get me wrong - life's no easy street, by any means.  But we are leaps and bounds more bonded than we were last summer.  

Our niece had her 9th birthday in California on July 30.  My cousin, Heidi, did a fabulous job (as usual) decorating for the Rockstar party theme.  Get ready for some rockin' moves!

Oceanside, CA July 2012

Blaine, "O", and I took a trip to Oceanside, CA for a week to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary, and just to have a family vacation.  Our beach cottage was a short 2 block walk to the beach. And the part of the beach that we were close to had a playground!  "O" was in heaven.  And so were we...infinite sand and water = infinite play time.

We took our dogs, Dolly and Cash, and knew that we would have a couple of visitors while down there.  My parents came for 1 night, and Blaine's parents, brother, his wife, and their girls visited during the day on a couple of the days.  Then, a few days later, my cousin and her family came for a night with their kids.  And then another cousin with her kids came for one afternoon and evening.  I believe it was the awesome location and not necessarily us that drew so many people to visit:)  Regardless, "O" was thrilled with so much activity and people to socialize with.  

Our family took a trip to Barcelona, Spain in April 2012.  It was Blaine and O's first time out of the country.  We stayed with my friend, Laura, and her husband and daughter for part of the time.  The other half of the week we stayed in a hotel in the center of the city.  It was a blast!  We are already trying to plan our next trip back.

Labor day + 7 month anniversary 9/10/11

My parents came out for Labor day weekend and we went to Jerome, AZ for a day to hear Blaine play. ‘O’ loves watching Blaine perform and provided some dancing entertainment up in front. It was a long drive because of an accident on the way up, but worth it because there's a great fudge place up there (oh, and because Blaine and Dilly put on a great show).

‘O’'s preschool day is extended now by 25 minutes for "enrichment classes". On Tuesday she stays for music and Thursday is Spanish. We are glad she's doing cool things but really we just see it as an extra 1/2 hour for Blaine before he has to pick her up .

‘O’ is definitely getting into the groove of being part of our family, and Blaine and I are getting more used to it now, too. Being an adoptive parent has very unique challenges, especially when the child is so much older like ‘O’. She definitely has a strong personality, and then when you add to that her history and attachment issues, you have a whole new ballgame. Blaine and I are using the therapeutic parenting lingo often, although it's not always easy. We just have to remind ourselves that she is a completely different person than she was 7 months ago. Today she has been living with us for exactly 7 months, which is only about 15% of her entire lifetime. I have to remind myself of that when she gives attitudes or has meltdowns. It's still such a short time in the grand scheme of things.

Her latest thing is to talk about when Blaine and I get old. She said the other day, "When you get very old, I will take you places". We've had to talk a lot lately about her not trying to always have control. We are in charge, we keep her safe, she doesn't have to worry about it anymore and she doesn't need to try to control everything. So she said, "When you are old, I will control you." Well, yes, you probably will.

-joni

August activities 8/22/11

August has been full of activities - California trip (2nd weekend in a row), starting preschool, & a day trip to a river in Payson. ‘O’ loves staying busy, and we love how exhausted she gets after a full day:)

She LOVES preschool and her new teachers, Mrs. Richey and Mrs. O. She goes Tues/Thursdays for 3 hours. Blaine and I went with her the first day, which was shortened to 1 hour and included the parents. She explored the room and liked the bean table and playdoh. I have to say, she was definitely the most well-behaved child:) On the first official day of preschool, Blaine dropped her off and she gave a kiss goodbye and walked right in and didn't look back. No issues. She loved it. She asks every day if she can go to school. Maybe we'll try to extend it to 5 mornings after Christmas. We'll see...

When we visited mom and dad last time, we went to the beach. It was a CHILLY 65 degrees but ‘O’ went in the water anyway - twice. Blue lips and shivering did not stop her. She loved being buried up to her neck and digging for sand crabs. Nothing seems to scare her. Not even the ferris wheel on Balboa island. Seriously - it made me a little woozy, but she had a blast.

Her newest saying is, "you know what...?" but not as a phrase to lead into telling us about something. It's more like the colloquialism of an interjection. The other day I asked her, "you want a pickle?" and she replied, "no thank you...you know what? yes, I do want a pickle."

-joni

Family pictures

We took professional family pictures in California (my cousin's wife is an awesome photographer, look her up if you're in Cali). Click here for a few sneak peeks!

Adoption day!

Well, "the" day finally came on 7/28/11. It really couldn't have gone more perfectly. Well, I take that back. It would have been perfect had we not gone to the wrong courthouse first and then barely made to it the juvenile courts only 2 minutes before our preceding. But other than that, it was awesome! “O” did really well. She sat on Blaine's lap during the hearing (which lasted all of 8 minutes) and when I started crying (early on) she looked at me and said, "why you have water in your eyes?" and then moved over to sit and comfort me. I whispered to her that sometimes when people are really happy, that they cry. And, I was really happy so I was crying. She was intrigued by the judge, who we had talked about for a while. We had prepared her for the day by calling it "Adoption day", using the date "July 28", and that we would see the "judge who would give us a special paper and say that “O” wouldn't go and live with anyone else ever again. That she'd be with us FOREVER". After the hearing, she said, "I didn't hear the judge say it!". I explained that he did, but in very 'adult' terms.

We had a full house supporting us, it was great. My parents, my sister/bro-in-law and their kids, Blaine's parents, grandparents, “O”'s maternal grandparents (who have been so supportive through all of this and have been waiting anxiously for this day to happen), and our case worker. We were walking out of the courthouse by 9:15 (it started at 9:00) and took more pictures. Then some of us headed over to Bruegger's bagels for breakfast, and then off to the fun stuff - Jumpstreet. A bouncy gym that has trampoline floors/walls and 4 big bounce houses. The kids (and adults) had a great time! Then home for lunch, quiet time, and an afternoon of swimming,cake, and presents. “O” did really well all day.

The next day we all drove out to California forthe weekend and took little family (the 3 of us) and big family pictures (parents, cousins, etc). I have attached a sneak peak of the little family pics! By hour #2, “O” was a bit tired of smiling and posing, but she was a real trooper.

Blaine and I have definitely noticed that “O” has a sense of peace and security that wasn't there in the beginning. She is much more settled and her (big) personality is coming out!

I feel like all of these months and updates have been building up to this day and further updates would be superfluous. However, this is sort of how I have been keeping track of our journey and so, like it or not, I'll keep sending them out!

-joni

Visit with California cousins 7/17/11

“O” got to see her California cousins for the 2nd time and she met Aunt Sarah for the first time! The girls played really well together and “O” had a blast. They did the play area at the mall, swimming at the public pool, and swimming at the house (a couple of times). All 3 girls are little fish and keep the adults busy and on our toes in the water. Ava and “O” are only 3 months apart, and “O” and Madisen are about 13 months apart. It's so funny how “O” fits right in and actually looks like a blood-related cousin.

“O” has picked up yet another one of my ways of speaking...I apparently say, "right?" a lot after giving her lectures or just when explaining something. e.g., "It's important to wash our hands, right? We don't want to spread germs, right?". So now “O” says it a lot when talking and it sounds kind of valley girlish. It's pretty funny..."we're going to the park today, right?"

-joni

4th of July 2011

Last weekend “O” and I drove out to CA to see my parents. She did really well in the car for the 5 hour drive! She talked, slept (a little bit), played the iPad, and looked out the window. Amazing. She's a traveler. Maybe she'll go on the road with Blaine when he tours:)

Her first 4th of July with us was great - and I think it was her first time seeing sparklers and mini fireworks. She loved it. We did them in the backyard, and I was sure to water down the grass afterward.

She has started her new swim session this week. She has graduated from being a "shrimp" to being a "duck". And this class there is actually another girl! Last session she was with 4 roudy boys. She can dive head first and swim to the other side of the pool under water. She can also come up for air and then go back under to keep swimming. She's really getting good. She loves it. And we love how tired she is at the end of the day for bedtime after swimming.

We are looking forward to July 28 and talk to her often about "adoption day with the judge". She is very excited. I think mainly she's excited that we're having a party and her cousins & grammie/pop-pop are visiting.

-joni

First Father's day 6/19/11

Blaine's 1st Father's day has consisted of being woken up early (for him, since he works late), homemade breakfast, coffee, presents, walking the mall with us, and now a movie by himself. He's in heaven! I'm very impressed that “O” didn't spill the beans about what we got him, since we got it a few days ago (socks, gift card, framed pictures). I think it helped that after the 2nd day her 3 year old's memory wasn't so good.

Blaine's love and obsession for guitar shopping has now trickled down to his daughter. I don't know too many preschoolers who have an acoustic AND electric guitar. She loves them. One was a garage sale, the other Craigslist.

Yesterday “O” and I went to a free Summer Sunsplash family event at a park in Chandler. They had water slide bouncies, food vendors, firetrucks, karate demos, and spongebob (among other things). It was great. She went down the water slide 4 times (I was pretty impressed, it was tall!) and thoroughly enjoyed the snow cone. She got to sit in a fire truck for the 2nd time. The other day we were on our walk and 2 firetrucks pulled up to the field and the men got out to play ultimate frisbee (their exercise time they said). So we strolled up and she got to check out their rig. She's going to think it's a very normal thing to just hop in a firetruck!

Today at the mall there was a guy with his little shit zsu dog. The dog is a therapy dog and works at Phoenix children's hospital. “O” got to pet him and hold him on her lap. She LOVED him. His name was Tiger. He even had a little business card with his name and info on the back (his breed, favorite food, tricks, etc.). We said thank you and then she walked back to the guy on her own and very seriously said, "thank you very much for letting me pet your dog". Then she turned to me and said, "next time I get a new dog, I want this dog".

-joni

Big girl bed 6/14/11

Blaine has picked up “O” off the floor many times and so we figured it was time to get her a big girl's bed. We all went to Ikea together and picked it out. She chose the purple stain color (which I think looks perfect with the flowers in her room!). She 'helped' us assemble it and got very excited once we rearranged her room to put it in. She grabbed a book and jumped in the bed with blankie. Dolly and Cash had to check it out as well. We'll see how tonight goes and if she is able to fall asleep easily! She had some anxiety when she saw that her toddler bed was leaving the room and said that she was going to be sad because she needed 2 beds. We are giving the toddler bed to my friends who have an 18 month old (she has met him). She liked the fact that we were giving it away to another baby and started grabbing other toys to give to him also.

-joni

Swim Lessons 6/9/11

“O” started swimming lessons on Monday and is doing so well! She was already fearless at our pool, so I wasn't really concerned. The first day I took her and she was actually quite nervous and shy. She barely put her face under water and got very tense when the teacher tried to hold her for floating on her back. She stuck her legs straight up into the air instead of relaxing into a "starfish". I wondered if I had signed her up for a level that was too advanced (especially since the only other girl was already practically doing laps). Blaine took her on Tuesday and Wednesday and so when I took her today I was amazed at how much she had improved! She was kicking and actually propelling herself forward underwater, was able to do "bobs" (bounce up and down in the water), and put her head underwater to grab a ring! She is the "shrimp" level. Next level is "Ducks", but that may not be until next summer:)

joni

Tech Savvy girl 6/4/11

“O”is now pretty self-sufficient with the iPad. She knows that when "words come up" on the screen (i.e., it is asking if I want to upgrade and pay for another app) that she has to push the button to go back to the main menu. I looked over the other day and she was watching kitten videos on YouTube. Blaine said that a few days ago she walked up to the TV and swiped her finger across the screen to get it to "change pages" like the iPad does. She also tries to touch the regular computer screens to get things to change. When we first got it, the 3 of us were sitting on the couch and “O”was playing with it, doing the "doodle" app with drawing and putting stamps on the page. She turned to Blaine and tapped his nose and said, "oh, it doesn't work on you" and then smiled. What a clever joke!

Grammie and Pop-pop came out to visit last weekend and she had a blast. A bit dysregulated by the change in routine, but she had a great time. She listens to my mom's children's choir songs every night on her ipod and got a kick out of the fact that when Grammie was here visiting she was listening to grammie in her room, too!

I signed her up for preschool at Dayspring Preschool starting in August. Tues/Thurs mornings from 8:30-11:30. We think 2 mornings a week is plenty for her right now, especially when the goal is still to form a secure attachment. Dropping her off 5 days a week probably wouldn't be the best way to create a strong bond. The school seems really neat. It's a United Methodist Church preschool. The director was really nice and said that they will work with us and anything that she might need to adjust and feel comfortable.

One of the things that occurs when she gets dysregulated is that she starts to become more focused on food and the quantities that she receives. So she has been asking for a lot of cranberries in her snack bag, or a lot of cereal, etc. We have had several tiffs about the amount of cranberries I put in her baggy for a snack in the car. She whines that it's not enough. Today, she asked if she could have her baggy and then before seeing it asked, "it have a lot?". I said, "Oriana, I'm not going to have this conversation with you today". She said, "ok, my won't say it". I handed her the bag and she said, "woa! It have A LOT!" and then smiled. I gave her a high five.

-joni

"Chill out" - 5/7/11

This morning on our walk at the park, I told “O” to "walk faster, please" and she said to me, "chill out, mommy". Oh dear. I say that to her (I admit it) and now it has come back to bite me. Well, I did let her know that she can't talk to mommy that way, and made a mental note to try to model better manners with her .

Today has not been the easiest day with her. Some days are just off for her, could be an emotional trigger that we don't know about, could be that she's 3, could be that we're all tired. She's in quiet time and hopefully we can "have a do-over" (as Eva would say) for this afternoon.

Last night she was having a hard time going to sleep (calling out a lot) and I was losing my patience. Blaine was (thankfully) still home and talked to her about being safe in our house. He said that this is HER house, HER room, and we are here to keep her safe. And she said, "and God keeps me safe, too. He's here, too". awe!

I put her baby pictures up in a frame in the hallway. Whenever we look at them with her she likes to be wrapped up like a baby in Blankie and then carried around the house. She becomes very infantile (hands to mouth, pretends to get sleepy, talks baby talk). It's quite a healing process for her.

ok, she hasn't slept at all for quiet time today. Maybe that means she'll go to sleep fast tonight?

-joni

Dance class 5/1/11

“O” had her "big performance" for her last dance class (the 4th class of a month-long class, and it was just that the teacher let us in the room to see the songs they've been practicing.) Les (grandfather) came and she was thrilled. I have her signed up for the next month with the same teacher. I was surprised at how much she knew and could sing along, because it seemed like during most of the classes she was only on task half the time. It was painful at times to be the parent watching in through the door and seeing my child test the teacher. Oh well, 1st dance/recreational experience should be a positive one I guess. I don't want to turn into a crazy "pageant mom".

Some funny “O” sayings:

-We were on our walk today and and she saw the front grill of a BMW and said, "that car is mad!" If you've ever paid attention to how they look, she's right. And so then we named emotions for other cars . . . lots of cars look mad, but some do really seem happy, with the front grill wide as if showing teeth. I pointed out a VW Bug, which has round headlights (big open eyes) and the hood looks like a smile to me. So I said, "that car is happy!", and she said, "no, surprised!" . Which, again, with the "wide eyes" she is right.

- I asked her when Blankie's birthday is, and figuring she'd say October 5 (her birthday, and the only date she knows), she said "October 3". What a little smarty pants! Oh, and Blankie is only 1 year old. I thought he was much older.

- I asked her what shape birthday cake she wants, "...a cupcake shape? A bunny, or turtle?" and she says, "No, a cricket". Always thinking outside the box! And then she decided on a "dolly cake".

- she said that cupboards smell like "mushrooms", which is quite descriptive, I think, of what something dark and damp might smell like.

-joni

Going to college with Blankie - 4/27/11

I have been starting to put clothes in a bag for Goodwill that “O” is growing out of (yes, in just the short 2 1/2 months since she moved in she has outgrown clothes and shot up 2 inches). And every time she sees me put the clothes in the bag in the garage she asks why, so I tell her. Today she asked again, and I once again said something like,

me: "They are too small for you now, so we are going to give them to kids who need clothes"

O: "Why them need clothes?"

me: "Some kids don't have very many clothes or toys, so we share with them"

O: (after running off to her room and returning with a book in each hand...) "Them need to read, too" and hands me the books to put in the bags. I had to hide the tears (granted, one of the books was one of my kid's therapy books, but the sentiment was still there)

Today after swimming, we were sitting on the deck and she brought Blankie out to sit with us. She says, "When my go to college, Blankie will come with me to college". hmmm...

I realized today that it really isn't just in my imagination that she asks a lot of "why" questions. This can be pretty typical of children who have been in foster care - they seek to control situations, and they try to control speaking conversations by talking "nonsense" or asking tons of questions. I have learned to just answer with "because I love you", or recently I have begun to bring back some childhood songs and just start to sing them instead of being sucked into her line of "why" questioning. These past couple of days I have sung a lot of "Say say oh playmate! Come out and play with me...." and "I'm a little piece of tin, nobody knows what shape I'm in"... and "hokey pokey". Here is an example, so you don't think I"m crazy:

(driving around in the car)

O: You need to get gas!

Me: no, i'm ok.

O:why you ok?

Me: my gas tank is full

O: why your gas tank full?

Me: because I haven't driven around very much

O: why you haven't driven around very much?

Me: because I haven't needed to drive around very much

O: why you no need to drive around much?

Me: Say, say oh playmate! Come out and play with me, and bring your dolly sweet, climb up my apple tree, slide down my rainbow, into my swimming pool, and we'll be jolly friends, forever more, more, many many more-more!

-joni